Seperation Anxiety

March 19, 2008, 743 AM
Broken Clouds, 24 degree Celsius

Finally, I have reached this day. Many had anticipated and waited eagerly for this day. Not long ago, I was among them. I had never thought the end would come so unexpected, un'enigmatic', so anticlimax! It is just like a movie come to a sudden end. It feels like a piece of my heart had moved out of me, because there is sudden emptiness and loneliness that is gripping me. I had early awakening today because the feeling of loneliness was just overwhelming. Coffee seems tasteless. Maybe I am not a person that is used to do nothing. Nothingness means laziness to me.

There are boxes lying around. I had already packed my belongings. Books, pens, photo albums, clothings were put in boxes. They were just lying lazily around. Memories were tied up properly. Five years through this gruesome learning curve, there were more than just plain knowledge that I gained. I learned to 'see' friends. There are friends that I can pour out secrets, while there are not-so-few of those 'Hi & Bye' friends. Some plainly what to get a piece of me, I know. True friends are hard to look for, because they come to you with time.

I used to have cheap tears. They were easy to produce. Now my heart is made of steel, or rather casted in steel. It is the environment that shaped me. You don't expect a doctor that shed their tears when patient told about their agony, do you? It is such an irony, that I am expected to care for the patients, yet not to feel for them. This is what they called 'empathy', not sympathy. At times, I don't feel like 'me' anymore.

Many people had help me stand up when I fall down. I still remember when I am in my first and second year, I embrace myself to be a student council. It was a hardship, dividing between the time of study and the long meetings and many projects to plan and accomplish. I was glad, that I found 2 true friends, Julian and Guang Hong, that gave me and still giving me moral support and be my loyal fans. Without them, I would not have reached here. There were fine teachers like Dr Shahrir, my ex-college master that help me be myself today. I don't know how to repay them.

I am leaving tomorrow. Maybe this is my last goodbye to this college, this university and my friends that had make my life more beautiful and more meaningful. I will definitely missed everyone and everything.