Etiquette of Attending Chinese Wedding

I met a colleague of mine, who happens to be a Malay in a function lately. It was a Chinese wedding dinner in one of a nice hotel ballroom. We had a little chat and it turned out that it was the first time he attends a Chinese wedding dinner. So I shared with him the following:

1. Be serious about RSVP. Think about whether you really can attend the function. Once a invitation card is out, the host automatically assumes that you are coming and expect a little red packet. By any chance that you can't make it to the dinner, you still have to send in a representative or substitute with ang pow. In the recent wedding that I attended, there were many seats vacant. It is a disrespect both to the host and the function.

2. Be absolute about number of people attending. Chinese wedding dinner are usually 8-course meal with prefixed number of seats. If you are expected to be there alone, you better be there alone; any extras will be relocated to the next vacant seats. So you may be seated seperately with your partner, which is not a very nice thing to be. Usually there will be reserved tables as well but if it is not more than half full, the host may not open up the table.

3. The gift. Unless your present is a wearable bling-bling object with some weight, I suggest that giving ang pow is a better option. Firstly, the couple may have trouble bringing around your presents after the wedding and secondly, the things given may serve no use. At least, ang pow helps the couple to some extend to cover the expenses during the wedding process. Chinese wedding has become a very expensive affair of late.

4. The ang pow. It is not a donation, certainly not a token. There is absolute math in deciding the amount of the ang pow. Given too small a sum, you will be remembered as the stingy one; given too much, unless you are filthy rich. So how much to give? The best answer is to Google the average cost for a dinner in that particular restaurant or hotel. If not, give a call personally to the hotel to inquire about the price of a wedding dinner set.

5. Be reasonable drinker. Free flow of liquor is served sometimes during a Chinese wedding dinner. Just because it's free, you don't have to drink yourself till drunk and make you a total embarrassment. I had seen too many mediocre people that disrupts the flow of the wedding because of the ethanol toxicity. Some host actually refrains from serving alcohols because of this reason.

Having said all this, a Chinese wedding is a merry and loud place to be, especially the toast. I am sure you would have lots of fun.

Cheers.

Pain in the Nether Region

Lately, I had encountered a difficult person. She had a few medical conditions, but worst of all, she had manic depressions. My first encounter with her was back in February. She was admitted for a lung condition which needs anticoagulation therapy. However, she refuses to go home when the therapy was initiated and going on well. Everyday, she would follow us for ward rounds, interferes with our ward discussion. She come with many little complaints. Finally, after 3 weeks or so, she was discharged back home.

She had a complicated history, due to her illness, her husband left her for another woman, and the disease manifest itself, like a vicious cycle. She had been to many private centres. All with the similar complaints of short of breath. She did CT coronary angiogram that was normal but found and incidental pulmonary embolism. Then she was referred to us for further treatment.

Due to her psychiatric condition, not many people can tolerate her. She was even being scolded by a renown private cardiologist for her persistent complaints, saying that she is a pain in the nether region and she is going to die with her illness!

I saw her again in clinic last week.

She was with her usual flowery and bright dress. I thought trouble came back knocking on the door again. The first few minutes of consultation, I was half hoping that she didn't dwell into the old problems. I let her talk. She went on with her family problems, how her disease actually concerns her. She had been compliant to the treatments and her INR was within target range. I praised her for her effort. I didn't interrupt her and I let her ventilate. She went on and on. After 15 minutes I came to a conclusion, set her targets and set an appointment date for her.

It seems to go on very well this time.

The morale of the story is, we can't cure a disease all the time. Nor we can solve the family matters, the financial woes and issues around. We can listen. Hear the problem out. Take some time to let them ventilate. Give a reassurance nod from time to time. Be patience. The answer to the their problem often lies within them.

Cheers.