Dear friend,
I know it is hard what you have been through. You are a tough man. You can make it through.
The joy of sharing a cuppa coffee, the good time of holding hands walking down the park, and the thought of someone is there for you when you are down may be gone. And you said the efforts for all these years may go into the drain. You feel sad, angry, and felt cheated, but it is still not the end of the world.
I say it a chapter in life that everyone must go through. Its like a book. Growing is a chapter. Falling in love is a chapter. Having children, career are chapters itself. We can't predict every chapter in the book has a happy ending. There are ups and downs in the stories that make it an exciting one. In the end, it is the whole story that matters. We are writing a book, not just dwell in a chapters.
You said the wound still hurts. It hurts when it matters. I say give it time. Let time heals. In the end, you will thank her for making who you are now. At least you are loved. It is never a waste. It makes you grow. Looking back, now you are full of experience than before.
As a friend, when I say I will be there for you when you are down is a total BS. But my ear will be. Always be. You must be strong. This storm must be weathered. Given enough time, you can walk out of this dips in life.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
Twenty Nine Days
It not right to feel for the patient you are treating. It is almost wrong when you are emotional connected to a patient that you are treating. They says it affect your judgment and the clinical acumens. Despite all the teaching saying so, I still made the mistake.
Dasuki was a very unfortunate boy. At the age of twenty, almost all of his fellow at the peak of their life. Everyone venturing into working, busy with marriage, but this poor boy was bed bound. Not only he had to depend on his father for the simplest chores as to personal sanitation, he had become the increasing financial burden of the family for his medical need and disabilities.
After a freak accident one day where he lost control of his motorbike and skidded, his life changed. The motorbike hit a sand dune and he was thrown forward and landed head on. On arrival to hospital, doctors pronounced that he had a spinal segment T8 and T9 fracture, which translated into paraplegia for the rest of his life. He lost feeling of both lower limbs. Anything below umbilicus feels numb. Both legs were heavy and felt disconnected o the torso. Passing urine and bowel habit became automatic event, and he has no control whatsoever towards it.
Studying the family dynamic, he is the youngest of eleven siblings. As if to add salt to the wound, his mother is a stroke-surviving patient with hemiplegia as well. Father earn a meager pay by doing plantation work in small scale. He has a sister he used to mention quite a lot. This sister is closest to him, bathing him, feeding him at regular interval. But what to do, his sister has to get on with life. She need to work. She need to take care of her family. After her marriage six months ago, she had moved away from Kuantan to Johor Bharu following the husband.
He came to us with prolonged bed bound, 12 months after the accident. Instead of a young and vibrant boy, we saw a nutritionally-deprived boy, dirty and unkempt. The bed sore already formed over huge area over sacral, the heel and even elbow. A sigmoid colostomy had been made to accommodates faeces passed through anterior abdominal wall. This could prevent soiling of faeces and the sores.
At the last 11 days of his life, we have to open him up, to find the bowel is a mess with adhesion and perforation. Everything necessary had been done. After the operation, he was going down hill. On the other hand, we are giving stronger antibiotic and nutrional support for him.
The day before he is intubated, I was talking to him. There were very few visitior for Dasuki. The father seldom came as to take care the other needy one at home. We talked about many things. All I want is to set a long term goal for him, to make him ambulate by wheel chair. At least he is less dependent if he can whelled to the toilet or to reach for things. He said that he missed his sister, and asked me to called up the sister. He wanted to see her badly. On top of that, he says living has no meaning for him anymore. I just kept quiet as did not respond.
The defence finally breached on the last 3 days. His lung and heart had gave up on this battle. We intubated him and put him on inotropes. Blood pressure on few instances were unrecordable. Most of the time, it was lowish. We rang up the father, told him that his son was not doing well. Soon after that, the relatives, family members came.
The last word he said to me was I am tired.
On his last day, his sister came to see him. After twenty nine days of long winding battle, he finally passed away, fulfilled his last wish. Rest in peace, Dasuki.
Dasuki was a very unfortunate boy. At the age of twenty, almost all of his fellow at the peak of their life. Everyone venturing into working, busy with marriage, but this poor boy was bed bound. Not only he had to depend on his father for the simplest chores as to personal sanitation, he had become the increasing financial burden of the family for his medical need and disabilities.
After a freak accident one day where he lost control of his motorbike and skidded, his life changed. The motorbike hit a sand dune and he was thrown forward and landed head on. On arrival to hospital, doctors pronounced that he had a spinal segment T8 and T9 fracture, which translated into paraplegia for the rest of his life. He lost feeling of both lower limbs. Anything below umbilicus feels numb. Both legs were heavy and felt disconnected o the torso. Passing urine and bowel habit became automatic event, and he has no control whatsoever towards it.
Studying the family dynamic, he is the youngest of eleven siblings. As if to add salt to the wound, his mother is a stroke-surviving patient with hemiplegia as well. Father earn a meager pay by doing plantation work in small scale. He has a sister he used to mention quite a lot. This sister is closest to him, bathing him, feeding him at regular interval. But what to do, his sister has to get on with life. She need to work. She need to take care of her family. After her marriage six months ago, she had moved away from Kuantan to Johor Bharu following the husband.
He came to us with prolonged bed bound, 12 months after the accident. Instead of a young and vibrant boy, we saw a nutritionally-deprived boy, dirty and unkempt. The bed sore already formed over huge area over sacral, the heel and even elbow. A sigmoid colostomy had been made to accommodates faeces passed through anterior abdominal wall. This could prevent soiling of faeces and the sores.
At the last 11 days of his life, we have to open him up, to find the bowel is a mess with adhesion and perforation. Everything necessary had been done. After the operation, he was going down hill. On the other hand, we are giving stronger antibiotic and nutrional support for him.
The day before he is intubated, I was talking to him. There were very few visitior for Dasuki. The father seldom came as to take care the other needy one at home. We talked about many things. All I want is to set a long term goal for him, to make him ambulate by wheel chair. At least he is less dependent if he can whelled to the toilet or to reach for things. He said that he missed his sister, and asked me to called up the sister. He wanted to see her badly. On top of that, he says living has no meaning for him anymore. I just kept quiet as did not respond.
The defence finally breached on the last 3 days. His lung and heart had gave up on this battle. We intubated him and put him on inotropes. Blood pressure on few instances were unrecordable. Most of the time, it was lowish. We rang up the father, told him that his son was not doing well. Soon after that, the relatives, family members came.
The last word he said to me was I am tired.
On his last day, his sister came to see him. After twenty nine days of long winding battle, he finally passed away, fulfilled his last wish. Rest in peace, Dasuki.
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