Lonely Valentine

Valentine again. It has been another normal day for me for the past 5 years. Since my last breakup, there had been no valentine for me. Every valentine day for the past 5 years was celebrated only with my close friend. I had been trying to disguise those lonely feelings in the past. Now, its getting more and more distressing, trying to hide my feelings, trying to pretend that I don't need love.

The first relationship turn sour after we both were separated to pursue our own dreams. They say long distance relationship would not last, I believe it now. Four years, it had been till the end. Sometimes you need to believe in fate. How it started? We were young and ambitious. Maybe we were immature that time. It started as I hold her hand, thus triggered a chemical chain reaction. There were many sweet memories of being loved, sad times of feeling down, dumb moments of doing stupid things; all for the name of love. How it end was kind of blur to me. There were distances that cannot be patched by communication alone. There were barriers, lots of them. Both side parents were against this relationship. Thus, our relationship did not stand the test of time. I did not shed a tear on the night that we officially break up, just the feelings of extreme loneliness closing in my life.

Therefore, I became a coward when comes to love. I am afraid. Afraid to go down the same path again. Afraid of being hurt again. Even with the one that I like, I wasn't able to express myself. I was afraid that I will make a fool of myself. Now, the same feeling of extreme loneliness five years ago is getting stronger by day. Maybe it is towards the end of schooling life, starting of a new, unfamiliar world of working. Maybe I am desperate. Maybe it is because the friends around me mostly had paired up. Maybe it is the inner feelings that is struggling.

Hope that the valentine in years to come will not be the same again.